Why I don't like oral (giving and receiving) and The day I loved oral

Why I don't like oral (giving and receiving) Journal Entry | about 1 year ago
Aside from the obvious reason everyone seems not to understand when the topic is touched in a conversation: " I DON'T LIKE IT", I will hereby elaborate on such topic. Just cause. First of all there is the hygienic reasons of "you don't know who that has been with", "that could be diseased", "that could be dirty/infected". Then there is the not-true-for-everyone issue of smell and taste despite it being clean. Another reason is why should I do it with someone I am not 100% sure of? I personally gave this privilege only to 3 men all of which I was in a serious relationship with and still I never enjoyed it, but at least I tried. Then only one guy had me go down on him outside of a serious relationship and he regretted asking me because I have (this will make you laugh) a small mouth, so no matter how hard I tried my teeth were touching his sensitive part too much and he didn't enjoy it, but again, at least I tried and for the last time I can finally say I DON'T LIKE IT (but given another serious long lasting relationship I would try again, just for love). On the receiving end only one guy (virgin nonetheless) gave me full pleasure. He found the way and went at it and that was what he was good at, sadly we didn't have any possibility at working together but we had a good time. So when someone says to me they want to give me oral I can't but say: It's ok, I wouldn't ask it as it doesn't really do much for me but if you must...
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The day I loved oral Journal Entry | about 1 month ago
I have never been a fan of oral. I only did it with my serious relationships and always to make them happy and show them I was trying because I cared. I never liked the smell, the taste and the act. I found it repulsive. One of my partners made it even more so the only two times I did it to him by immediately treating me in a horrible way after I did it. With my ex husband I puked up after I did it to him. I was always told I was good but I could never enjoy it. Things changed a first time with my first dom. I wanted to show him I cared. I wanted to please him. I liked his smell, it was not repulsive. I wanted to taste him and it didn't taste bad. For the first time I felt it was right. It felt good to be able to not feel revolted but happy for doing it. He couldn't be mine for long and I couldn't be his either. But we loved each other very deeply and parted way with that knowledge it was something great. Later on I got a boyfriend, he was vanilla but willing to try kink. I waited for my affection to turn into love. I tried oral with him and it was disgusting. He tried to dom me and it was a disaster. He wasn't ever going to be a dom. I never fell in love. I left him after three months together when I realised I hadn't fallen in love Months passed and I found a second dom. Much too young and inexperienced yet with such a natural talent he got me at his feet within days. I got totally addicted to his scent, smitten and head over heels I fell in love with him. He said he did too. I believed him. I submitted with every inch of my being. I tried oral with him a first time and liked it. Much like with my first Dom everything was right. Then I tried a second time. I took his manhood in my mouth eagerly, with my heart full of love, with my soul full of joy. I loved every second of it and so did he. When he came it was different, for the first and only time in my life I thought it was delicious. Creamy like condensed milk. Sweet like I would imagine the essence of love to be. That was the last time I gave oral to a man, a man I loved so intensely after my first Dom that when he vanished from my life I felt shattered. I told him I never gave anything to non serious partners and I wouldn't be like that with any other man unless I got serious again and I won't stray from my words. All I am left with now is memories. Bittersweet memories of every lost love, every crush of my heart and every high of my soul. At least I know now that once in my life I really truly loved oral.

The biggest punishment

Torturous silence that envelopes my thoughts and clings at me like barbed wire, scratching my soul. I have shown how stubborn and impatient I can be, raised my fur in a tantrumy look and I got punished with silence. All seems lost and dead in silence. While everything was joy in the happy exchange. Wondering if I actually deserve this punishment. Wondering if I was wrong in my tail-waggling joy in the first place.

Being a mom means

-Roibois tea and cookies at quarter to one am because you forgot to eat at dinner time...
-Feeling all that pain in the back that comes from lifting those heavy little pestifer bundles of joy.
-Having to put leftovers away and hope they get eaten the next day
-Trying to remember if the strength to fold that massive pile of kids clothes is given to you by eating, sleeping or the both combined and realizing if you need both you're screwed because one is almost always missing. So the pile grows.
-Feeling dizzy often because of overdoing while feeling overall you haven't done enough because the house is still too messy for your likings.
-Feeling Tired, often
-Forgetting things, often
-Having looots of things to think of and remember
-Feeling tired, often
-Scrubbing every surface they soil with a scourer, vinegar and baking soda and then clean it again to get it off
-Washing the carpets more than you expected because they keep ignoring the no food in the livingroom policy inevitably making a mess while you don't watch for 5 minutes
-Sweeping and hoovering and sweeping and cleaning, picking up everything
-Trying to keep your cool when inside you are raging about all the disasters they make while you are solving one of them
-Running from one room to the other because all of a sudden it's too quiet and you know they are up to no good
-Forgetting the meaning of the words relax, sit down, in peace
-Forgetting what it means to have a warm meal, eaten slowly, savoured from the first to the last bit
-Hiding things higher and higher or cover every cupboard in locks
-Take away the chairs so they can't use them to climb
-Lock the bathroom so they can't play with the toilet brush and toilet rolls
-Scold, repeat
-Watching them sleep because they are so cute
-Lift them even if they break your back for how heavy they are
-Play with them even if you feel like sleeping
-Getting blown on your belly, have your nose pinched and tiny fingers pushed in your mouth to experiment what it's like
-Receive unexpected cuddles and kisses
-Looking at them when they smile or sleep and feeling your heart melt with love

The words I like, the world I live in part 2

I have seen a few posts of people writing on here and lots of them containing the words "slut" or "bitch" if not, even more horrible, "whore". Now for as much as I can understand that, some "dirty" words like that can be seen as "exciting and kinky" I just can't see past the insult. I can't stand these words because they are demeaning. And I am not one of those hypocrites that thinks porn is demeaning. Some maybe, but most porn is there for one purpose and it should be seen as such, not as real life lessons. Far too many young men watch porn thinking that what they see in it is what they will get in real life, so no wonder they get astonished and sometimes even upset over things that women like me don't like to do. And they have no clue how to please a woman and fully enjoy the multifaceted thing that is good sex. Some of them just have no idea what foreplay is, let alone how to do it, and how to get a 360° experience involving all senses. A lot of them ignore the kissing, some thinking it should be reserved only for the women they love, not lust for, while it's so important for a much better sexual experience. -“There’s evidence that men like sloppier kisses with a more open mouth. That suggests that they are unconsciously attempting to transfer testosterone to trigger the sex drive to woman.” Now this is not true for most Scotsmen that I kissed. Very few gave me the pleasure of a proper kiss, most keeping their mouth too closed, like if opening it would make them vulnerable. Although my sexual partners have been quite limited because I am very fussy and choosy, I have kissed more than I slept with, the old saying being: a princess has to kiss a lot of frogs...

Always for no apparent reason

Arranging to meet up to have sex and seeing your confirmation messages ignored. When it seemed everything was fine, when the first date had gone really well and you had seemed compatible and hot for each other, ready for more fun, promises of kinky, rough yet sweet sex. Then nothing. It's happened to me several times in the past and each time I wondered if I did something wrong or said something more than I should have, tortured myself re-reading messages trying to read them from a male's perspective and finding nothing bad. All about either general stuff when asked and sex, nothing more, no accidental uncomfortable feelings involved. Then why? The proverbial "he's not that into you" comes to mind. But this is sex we are talking about, not more. So why? Why disappear without a reason, any reason instead of having lots of fun together? I hope this doesn't happen to me again. Plain upsetting. Mood killing. Frustrating. For someone like me with such a big appetite and noone to satisfy it at least once a week, let alone every day I am in the mood, it's sheer torture to get teased and promised sex and then disappear. And I am not a fan of this kind of torture. This is the kind that gets me frustrated and angry. I'm a very understanding person, give me a good reason for not wanting me and I won't bat an eyelid, but with no reason...

The words I like, the world I live in

I went to school in one of those expensive private catholic nun's schools and as it's natural I got influenced by the teachings I received there, as well of course as what I got taught by my parents. My hatred for leopard print, stiletto heels and thongs probably stems from there. My education made me somewhat of reluctant to address people that can't use grammar, spelling and prefer text speech, however my intelligence overcomes this by showing me those are not really extremely important things in life, not as important to me as, say, the way one talks/writes. Rudeness is something I can't stand so words that sound rude are usually a turn off for me. Anyone can say fuck, tits, pussy, cock, dick, cum but only a few people can use the alternative words "take you", "do you", breasts, chest, womanhood, wetness, manhood, hardness, member etc.and make the play so much better just like that. To be continued.