Your Pet

 I said I was your pet and you my owner,

because you own my heart, my soul and hopes too.

However then I bet, that not one owner,

would spend so many days apart, without a bowl, a ring or two.

Did you forget that pets are loyal? No matter what, no matter when, they don't recoil.

They take as little as they can, unless too much neglect occurs and then they run.

They can't be left to hunger long without their purrs, that would no doubt be wrong, for

another would struggle then, to lift them up again.

For when the hopes are crushed, the care forgotten, the heart is hard to be entrusted, the soul is *trotten (*trampled).

So what's the best thing one can do?

I don't know darling, that's up to you.

After 4 years I think you know, I do love you dearly,

but how, I do not know.

For love is weird and love is hard

but love is nonetheless and gone my guard.

It might not be true, if unrequited with you, yet doesn't mean it's less real, so let's make a deal.

If a friend or a pet is what you need or want, you will have by the rules to play indeed or don't.

For a friend I always was

and a pet I then became, as a friend I'll always care because, 

even if your pet I'm not, you'll always be my flame.

You warmed my heart and soul, time and time again,

and in a different life I know,

my love was never tame.

So le me ask you then, is it really not an option, to throw all fears into a den and make me your devotion?

Because I know I'm worthy and I know you are too and we might not be wealthy but of us there's two.

Finding one another was such a lucky win, in my personal opinion it sounds silly to be mean.

Keeping all your distance, avoiding getting hurt, has been just a hindrance and missing out on a good flirt.

It was never a question I enjoyed our time together, it was always a question if you'd ever ask forever.

No matter what your last word might be, as a friend you'll be never rid of me

However if you really cannot see that a future together could just be, if I then fall for another, do not think less of me.

My feelings never fleeting nor superficial, and right enough our fate was leading us in something beneficial 

A deep connection lasting years, bringing satisfaction and so many cheers

And yet so many heartaches followed by so many tears, for each time you rejected me with your fears

inside me something breaks.

I want to love and be loved back

I get to love but don't get back

Part reasons known and part unknown 

It's just not fair, makes me despair.

I am used to suffering but I 'd love recovering 

In a warm and soft embrace, willing to give me space

I have a world to give, you know

you might not want that though so I will forgive.

My lover friend

 It hurts I cannot tell you that I miss you

And it hurts I cannot tell how much I love you

Countless times you pushed me away

Yet every time we touched, from embers to fire we sparked again

Every kiss and bite you gave me

Like a blessing like a balm

For my aching lonely soul, like a key

Only you and you alone could dom

Unrequited maybe love

Not a chance to be, not a fitting glove

Only friends who kiss and tell

Because our story can't end well

There's no sign of communication

No intention for dedication 

Not your dream and not ideal

You cannot give me love for real

She'll get your love when you will find her

She'll bear your children and you'll cherish her

As it's meant to be, your life will unfold

In the love I wish you to find tenfold

Unrequited thus not true love then... and yet

I have loved you and I won't forget

You're my friend and I will always be too

Even though someone will one day find me out of the blue

Make me feel all loved up and respected

Never once again rejected 

He will give me his heart and I'll be his

As he's my soulmate and like you never did he'll want me to be his

We made each other happy even though I gave you more

I didn't want to play no game

My soul was shining upon yours To light you up, take you from the shade

Make you forget all shame

That kept you prisoner in a cage.

I found the key, I set you free and gave you all and all of me

I resent you not

For all you couldn't give me, your fault was not

I regret nothing 

Because I couldn't force your loving

Just as I couldn't stop the love for you

And so safe in your embrace

I felt so loved and loved your space

It wasn't much but it was great

It kept my sanity and my faith

It's thanks to you I never lost hope

One day someone would catch my rope

You kept me warm, alive and well

He cannot hate you for that as well

He will be thankful someone tended to my lust

To keep my embers from turning into dust

His name and face unknown

His soul so far yet known 

his heartbeat a lullaby 

I'll fall asleep to while losing myself in his eyes

It might've been you once upon a time 

In a different land and long forgotten timeline 

Maybe that's why I fell for you without refuse

Yet you could not as I was not your muse

All said and done I honestly can say

You did your best even though you didn't sway

What a great lesson was to be with you

I hope you'll think the same and know you'll grow to be a wise man too

The limits of patience and things that get at me

Patience is a virtue, one I sometimes struggle with.
Patience has various limits.
It can be about anything, some things have less of a margin in limits than others.
Dating is one of the areas of my life where my patience can suffer.
I know everyone has their reasons, life, things happening, people to deal with, work, situations...but. When you don't have a clue what is going on, that is when you can loose the patience.
This in my case usually means a message to test the waters then some more forced patience applied for another 24 hours and if nothing happens (a reply or else) then delete and move on.
No matter how amazing that person seems, if it's meant to be, nothing will stop it from happening. Unless of course they get in serious trouble, but that's hardly ever the case. Excuses can work up to a point, then they start to smell funny.

Insistence on subjects I don't like to touch can really get at me.
Repeating to the same person I am not into something, chatting with people with one or no picture, getting stood up, having dates cancelled are also things that get at me.

And what about booty calls not answered? Speech text, abbreviations, lack of grammar and punctuation, misspelling, ignorance. People that don't read my profile. Liars, cheaters, selfish people. People that say something then don't act on it. All of this gets at me.

Do I let it bother me? Sometimes, others I just breathe it off.

If there is something I have learnt it's that I am WORTH the effort of meeting up, I am worth being held with tenderness, stroke like a precious stone, kissed like I am fresh water in the desert, grabbed with passion, having my body caressed with care. I am worth this and much more. I am worth spanking and having my neck marked with your fire, having your hand on my throat so you can feel how my pulse races under your strong fingers. I am worth being brought to ecstasy, being taken slow, soft, fast and hard.
So if you don't think I am WORTH ALL OF THIS AND MORE just do us both a favor and say goodbye.

Masturbating vs Sex

So, yes, most of you out there are like "No partner? Let's masturbate!"

Masturbating is easy (if you don't have kids), requires close to no effort (unless you have a billion things on your mind and short arms), you can do it as many times as you want (given the time) and it makes you feel good.

You don't need a partner, you have no complications, awkwardness, problems.

But if it was so great we would not be all sitting here, the human race would be extinct.

The things you can get with sex are so much more, so much more intense, mind blowing, paralysing, inebriating, intoxicating...

The look, when two pair of eyes meet for the first time and the pupils dilate, showing arousal.

The sight of the body and face of your partner, so exquisite in your eyes' perception.

The smell of their skin mixed with perfume/cologne/aftershave/deodorant etc... that at the first sniff gives you an instant blood rush (unless it's hideous causing an instant loss of interest).

The taste of their kiss/snog and the taste of their skin (neck, shoulders etc...)

The warmth of their touch and body pressing against yours.

The sound of their voice, whispers, moans, breathing, heartbeat (when you're close to their chest). The sound of their orders, gasping, screaming.

The feel of their flesh, the caressing, the spanking, the grabbing of your head while they kiss you passionately, their fingers running through your hair and hairs...

How can you forget? How can you not crave these things so much more that masturbating becomes like drinking watery milk, while you love full fat milk (sex)?

For a man might be easier, for most women I heard of it's easier. For me it's not. I can't be happy with watery milk, it might satisfy my hunger for a few minutes but only full fat milk can really get me satisfied completely.

It's naturally addictive. That addiction might (or not!) stop when you are pregnant because nature took its course. Then blows you away once more as soon as your body is ready again.

The addiction might be tricked with masturbation but your body knows.

No, I will not

I will not add you as a friend just because you want, especially without messaging me, especially if your list of fetishes has things I don't agree with.
I will add you only if we have chatted or we know each other in real life or I fancy doing so based on your presentation.

I don't want to chat if you don't have a picture, if I reply it's to be polite or because I feel you deserve an answer, not because I care to chat with a faceless anonymous person. Man up and put one. Or several.

I will not tolerate insistence.

I will not try things just because YOU want them so bad, if you don't read my profile you can't understand any of me, if you don't bother reading what I write you are barely worthy of my attention.

I give respect, I expect respect.

I am kinky in my own way, not according to someone's standards.

I am like no one you have ever met before, unique, not lacking faults, but still good enough.

I will not change, no matter how much I get hurt by assholes, I will not turn into a bitch, I might snap at you every so often but that happens to everyone when they have had a bad day.

I will not forget if you hurt me, I might forgive but every offence will stay in my memory like a fire-brand mark.

I will not repeat my mistakes, once the trust is broken, once the consent is violated there is no going back. Unless. Something huge happens on your end for me to forgive you, for you to regain my trust and only if I can be sure you will never break it again.

I will not be made fun of without you paying for it, if I can't do anything myself Karma will take care of it.

I will not give up hope.

I will not be a slave on your terms.

Why I don't like oral (giving and receiving) and The day I loved oral

Why I don't like oral (giving and receiving) Journal Entry | about 1 year ago
Aside from the obvious reason everyone seems not to understand when the topic is touched in a conversation: " I DON'T LIKE IT", I will hereby elaborate on such topic. Just cause. First of all there is the hygienic reasons of "you don't know who that has been with", "that could be diseased", "that could be dirty/infected". Then there is the not-true-for-everyone issue of smell and taste despite it being clean. Another reason is why should I do it with someone I am not 100% sure of? I personally gave this privilege only to 3 men all of which I was in a serious relationship with and still I never enjoyed it, but at least I tried. Then only one guy had me go down on him outside of a serious relationship and he regretted asking me because I have (this will make you laugh) a small mouth, so no matter how hard I tried my teeth were touching his sensitive part too much and he didn't enjoy it, but again, at least I tried and for the last time I can finally say I DON'T LIKE IT (but given another serious long lasting relationship I would try again, just for love). On the receiving end only one guy (virgin nonetheless) gave me full pleasure. He found the way and went at it and that was what he was good at, sadly we didn't have any possibility at working together but we had a good time. So when someone says to me they want to give me oral I can't but say: It's ok, I wouldn't ask it as it doesn't really do much for me but if you must...
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The day I loved oral Journal Entry | about 1 month ago
I have never been a fan of oral. I only did it with my serious relationships and always to make them happy and show them I was trying because I cared. I never liked the smell, the taste and the act. I found it repulsive. One of my partners made it even more so the only two times I did it to him by immediately treating me in a horrible way after I did it. With my ex husband I puked up after I did it to him. I was always told I was good but I could never enjoy it. Things changed a first time with my first dom. I wanted to show him I cared. I wanted to please him. I liked his smell, it was not repulsive. I wanted to taste him and it didn't taste bad. For the first time I felt it was right. It felt good to be able to not feel revolted but happy for doing it. He couldn't be mine for long and I couldn't be his either. But we loved each other very deeply and parted way with that knowledge it was something great. Later on I got a boyfriend, he was vanilla but willing to try kink. I waited for my affection to turn into love. I tried oral with him and it was disgusting. He tried to dom me and it was a disaster. He wasn't ever going to be a dom. I never fell in love. I left him after three months together when I realised I hadn't fallen in love Months passed and I found a second dom. Much too young and inexperienced yet with such a natural talent he got me at his feet within days. I got totally addicted to his scent, smitten and head over heels I fell in love with him. He said he did too. I believed him. I submitted with every inch of my being. I tried oral with him a first time and liked it. Much like with my first Dom everything was right. Then I tried a second time. I took his manhood in my mouth eagerly, with my heart full of love, with my soul full of joy. I loved every second of it and so did he. When he came it was different, for the first and only time in my life I thought it was delicious. Creamy like condensed milk. Sweet like I would imagine the essence of love to be. That was the last time I gave oral to a man, a man I loved so intensely after my first Dom that when he vanished from my life I felt shattered. I told him I never gave anything to non serious partners and I wouldn't be like that with any other man unless I got serious again and I won't stray from my words. All I am left with now is memories. Bittersweet memories of every lost love, every crush of my heart and every high of my soul. At least I know now that once in my life I really truly loved oral.

The biggest punishment

Torturous silence that envelopes my thoughts and clings at me like barbed wire, scratching my soul. I have shown how stubborn and impatient I can be, raised my fur in a tantrumy look and I got punished with silence. All seems lost and dead in silence. While everything was joy in the happy exchange. Wondering if I actually deserve this punishment. Wondering if I was wrong in my tail-waggling joy in the first place.

Being a mom means

-Roibois tea and cookies at quarter to one am because you forgot to eat at dinner time...
-Feeling all that pain in the back that comes from lifting those heavy little pestifer bundles of joy.
-Having to put leftovers away and hope they get eaten the next day
-Trying to remember if the strength to fold that massive pile of kids clothes is given to you by eating, sleeping or the both combined and realizing if you need both you're screwed because one is almost always missing. So the pile grows.
-Feeling dizzy often because of overdoing while feeling overall you haven't done enough because the house is still too messy for your likings.
-Feeling Tired, often
-Forgetting things, often
-Having looots of things to think of and remember
-Feeling tired, often
-Scrubbing every surface they soil with a scourer, vinegar and baking soda and then clean it again to get it off
-Washing the carpets more than you expected because they keep ignoring the no food in the livingroom policy inevitably making a mess while you don't watch for 5 minutes
-Sweeping and hoovering and sweeping and cleaning, picking up everything
-Trying to keep your cool when inside you are raging about all the disasters they make while you are solving one of them
-Running from one room to the other because all of a sudden it's too quiet and you know they are up to no good
-Forgetting the meaning of the words relax, sit down, in peace
-Forgetting what it means to have a warm meal, eaten slowly, savoured from the first to the last bit
-Hiding things higher and higher or cover every cupboard in locks
-Take away the chairs so they can't use them to climb
-Lock the bathroom so they can't play with the toilet brush and toilet rolls
-Scold, repeat
-Watching them sleep because they are so cute
-Lift them even if they break your back for how heavy they are
-Play with them even if you feel like sleeping
-Getting blown on your belly, have your nose pinched and tiny fingers pushed in your mouth to experiment what it's like
-Receive unexpected cuddles and kisses
-Looking at them when they smile or sleep and feeling your heart melt with love

The words I like, the world I live in part 2

I have seen a few posts of people writing on here and lots of them containing the words "slut" or "bitch" if not, even more horrible, "whore". Now for as much as I can understand that, some "dirty" words like that can be seen as "exciting and kinky" I just can't see past the insult. I can't stand these words because they are demeaning. And I am not one of those hypocrites that thinks porn is demeaning. Some maybe, but most porn is there for one purpose and it should be seen as such, not as real life lessons. Far too many young men watch porn thinking that what they see in it is what they will get in real life, so no wonder they get astonished and sometimes even upset over things that women like me don't like to do. And they have no clue how to please a woman and fully enjoy the multifaceted thing that is good sex. Some of them just have no idea what foreplay is, let alone how to do it, and how to get a 360° experience involving all senses. A lot of them ignore the kissing, some thinking it should be reserved only for the women they love, not lust for, while it's so important for a much better sexual experience. -“There’s evidence that men like sloppier kisses with a more open mouth. That suggests that they are unconsciously attempting to transfer testosterone to trigger the sex drive to woman.” Now this is not true for most Scotsmen that I kissed. Very few gave me the pleasure of a proper kiss, most keeping their mouth too closed, like if opening it would make them vulnerable. Although my sexual partners have been quite limited because I am very fussy and choosy, I have kissed more than I slept with, the old saying being: a princess has to kiss a lot of frogs...

Always for no apparent reason

Arranging to meet up to have sex and seeing your confirmation messages ignored. When it seemed everything was fine, when the first date had gone really well and you had seemed compatible and hot for each other, ready for more fun, promises of kinky, rough yet sweet sex. Then nothing. It's happened to me several times in the past and each time I wondered if I did something wrong or said something more than I should have, tortured myself re-reading messages trying to read them from a male's perspective and finding nothing bad. All about either general stuff when asked and sex, nothing more, no accidental uncomfortable feelings involved. Then why? The proverbial "he's not that into you" comes to mind. But this is sex we are talking about, not more. So why? Why disappear without a reason, any reason instead of having lots of fun together? I hope this doesn't happen to me again. Plain upsetting. Mood killing. Frustrating. For someone like me with such a big appetite and noone to satisfy it at least once a week, let alone every day I am in the mood, it's sheer torture to get teased and promised sex and then disappear. And I am not a fan of this kind of torture. This is the kind that gets me frustrated and angry. I'm a very understanding person, give me a good reason for not wanting me and I won't bat an eyelid, but with no reason...

The words I like, the world I live in

I went to school in one of those expensive private catholic nun's schools and as it's natural I got influenced by the teachings I received there, as well of course as what I got taught by my parents. My hatred for leopard print, stiletto heels and thongs probably stems from there. My education made me somewhat of reluctant to address people that can't use grammar, spelling and prefer text speech, however my intelligence overcomes this by showing me those are not really extremely important things in life, not as important to me as, say, the way one talks/writes. Rudeness is something I can't stand so words that sound rude are usually a turn off for me. Anyone can say fuck, tits, pussy, cock, dick, cum but only a few people can use the alternative words "take you", "do you", breasts, chest, womanhood, wetness, manhood, hardness, member etc.and make the play so much better just like that. To be continued.